Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
