whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
