DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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