tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
