Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
