He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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