do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
