I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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