Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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