if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize