just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
