I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
