I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
