Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
