I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
