I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
