I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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