don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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