apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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