Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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