I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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