i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
