you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
