I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
