You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
