i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
