Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
