No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
