The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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