Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
