i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
