He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
