roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
