I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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