Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
