u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize