Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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