why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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