I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
