I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
