They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize