I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
