Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
