i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
