I think I am morally bankrupt
we made out on top of his cat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
