if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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