I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
