Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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