I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
