I got chris browned last night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
