It's Friday. Sex?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize