I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
