My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize