the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
