she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
