You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
