are you so shy because you have an std?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
