its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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