That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
