I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
