He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize