Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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