If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
