I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
