He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
