Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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